truth "s"

walk into sora~~~

2010-06-15T00:10:00.002+08:00

Guess I had forgot what I said before~~

"Love is never meant to suffer from it,
if so, there is not Love, it nothing more than an illusion~~"

and now, I will never forget it ever again~~
There won't be anymore negative feelings now on~~~~~
I believe one day I will find my perfect Lover~~~~ somewhere out there~~~~

so, I'm ready to fly on now~~~ and create my own storm~~~~ =D

爱不须长篇论文....

2010-05-28T21:57:00.004+08:00

真正爱一个人，是不用写什么长篇浪漫论文... 只不过是个雕虫小技的花招...

最近也发觉，浪漫不过是爱情的小小饰品... 爱情最重要的，是从开始，直到最后......

到不了的三个字....

2010-05-27T23:02:00.001+08:00

没资格说出的“三个字”......到了有资格时，已经是太迟了......

the end......

2010-05-09T20:12:00.002+08:00

13 years, the feeling were so strong since the day I first met you... for no reason, I fell in love in the very first sight that change my heart till now... and now... this is the end...

I admit that it's all just me from all along from the very beginning... and since the last sms, I realize that, we can hardly be even as friend... I know it's stupid to hold on something that does not exist for so long, but, that just the way I am... and the way I will always be...

last word for you... be happy forever, my 1st love...

Lining up my thoughts recently~~

2010-03-21T20:06:00.002+08:00

Thought no. 1 - People say I look like a girl and act like a girl~~~ I don't deny that, but that just the way I am~~~ =3 if I am to describe about it, I'm actually just being playful like a kid~~~ well, I am originally playful~~ xD maybe sometime over-childish~~ =3

I'm also a guy that like grow straight and long hair~~ well, it's inspired by some of the female idols I like~~ =3 or maybe, I just don't like the idea that, guy MUST have short hair or whatever it is~~ I had enough rules and regulation during secondary school, I don't need anymore of this unnecessary point of view since I'm out of the old boring school~~ i would say~~ "come on~~ learn from how the Japanese work~~~~"

It's because, the personality won't change just because I cut my hair~~~ it's the heart that's matter not the look~~~

Thought no. 2 - Just a phrase I thought of =3

Acting manly is not my way, being myself, is everyday~~
as man's pride rule, woman will suffer~~
Understanding woman, listening to their heart~~
as one day, my way of love will prevail~~

Just a blah blah blah out short poem I wrote~~~ xD because, I always think that if a man is too proud and stand strong to their pride, end up, they over see the feeling of a woman~~~

well, it's not really a definition of love, just that is what I think~~ only being one mind with my lover, then I ensure myself will love to the very end~~

Thought no. 3 - About my conclusion of the word "Romance"~~~ 1 sentense will do~~~

"I always feel and see the bright side of my way of love~~~ THE END"

That is how my Romance work~~ It was never complicated~~~ =3

Judging people~~

2010-02-08T17:44:00.002+08:00

I realize people like to judge people to the fullest~~and of course, the term of "Judging" usually being used in negative terms~~ always blaming and talking bad on other from the back and even from the front~~~ (* anyhow, I did too~~ but, only on some extremely moron people~~)

Here the point, why does people like put 1 person fault, on the whole race?? This moron I didn't even wish I know him, always talking bad on other races~~~ The fact of full of shits coming from his mouth is already shown that he isn't any better than the 1 he blamed~~~ Never even look at himself before judging others~~ He himself is a total disgrace to the race he is, since he like to separate bloodline so much~~

I don't like it at all~~~ the one should be blamed or judged should only be the one responsible for it~~~ the world has nothing to do with 1 single soul being fouled~~~ This is the reason why there is war.......... the main reason of humanity's suffer............. because of this 1 hell of a fool being..........

what is the requirement be lovers??

2009-06-21T11:15:00.003+08:00

This is something that flash through my mind yesterday~~ recently I been thinking a lot about romance~~ how to be a perfect lover?? why is it relationship so fragile??

ya, I still can't find the answer since I not into 1 yet~~ :P

People always ask what kind of girl do you like?? There are answers like MUST BE "Pretty"(too common answer =.=), tall and slim such of appearance looks answer~~ For girl, handsome, manly, masculine, some even have fatty choice ~.~ the imagination lover in everyone are as perfect as they can thought about~~

BUT!!! this IS reality~~~ imagination is just imagination after all~~~ I met many girls in the past, but truly not more than 1 gave me an instant love in first sight feeling, the only 1 was 11 and a half years ago~~ First sight, they were just common like others, no 1 ever reach the "requirement" in the appearance I wish for~~ after being together as friend for sometime, ya, it's wasn't just normal and simple friendship feeling~~ it become caring and liking instead~~ it's something I wouldn't expect when I first met them~~

this is where I realize, remind me of my first "love"(although nothing started, but still the 1 I love =X)~~ Friends always ask me why I like her?? Words like "She not pretty at all", "If it is me, I will never choose her", "She's not one-hearted, everyone knows it"~~~ Conclusion, not much of positive comments about her~~~ ~.~ ya, so?? I was fallen for her, mere harsh words doesn't even change my loving on her~~~

This is where I realize, "When love come, the appearance of the other half is not longer a requirement". well, first thing of all of course "Love" have to come first, if not this phrase doesn't work~~ XD

Ya, good appearance always give people a very first good inspiration~~ but, after sometime, the good looking 1 doesn't match your other requirements as knowing him/her more~~ Ya, I do have experience on this 1~~ XD right, someone I know??? =3

Still holding on~~~

2009-06-09T00:31:00.002+08:00

Up to today, it's almost been 11 and half years pass since I met you. You who come out of no where, don't even know who you are, haven't even start talking to you, the strongest feeling I get last almost half of my lifetime, up till now, never once fade off.

Ya, I know we never meant to be together, but thanks to you, I can hold my own romance strongly up to now, up to this moment. Many women I had met, but never seem there is one which cross with my fate. Many I care, not a single 1 can be loved.

Maybe I am too naive, being too optimistic in the end will end up hurting myself. Being too depress will end up killing myself, being too careful, end up with....... nothing.......

What is perfect lovers?? it's existence is still myth...........

Sorry ya, guess I will still holding the feeling you gave me, to keep my heart in shape.

my forever romance~~

2009-04-04T11:48:00.005+08:00

well, finally most of the ugly things have been cleared away~~
although the most beautiful thing haven't come to me yet~~ XD

it's about romance~~
romance = 2 persons not 1 person, forever love will never happen if only 1 person who is doing the loving~~

not sure whether it's just my imagination or what, the people in the modern doesn't seem to know what is loving~~ ya, i do see but not many potential couples which are truly romantic, that is how its suppose to be, an unbreakable bond~~ yet, there are many fragiles~~

or, it is the truth that romance have to face so many obstacles? even it is unnecceasry??? still can't find a answer myself cause I not into 1 yet~~ my ideal love is still far beyond my reach~~ XD

well, it's not a bad thing either~~ rather than just go into a short term relationship~~ wouldn't like that at all~~ the romance I keep safe for over 10 years will only be given to 1, although I have to admit is no longer to the 1st 1~~ nothing been happened between 2 of us, nothing at all~~ just me who is playing around with my feeling~~ XD

past is past, but the feeling is forever present~~ will never forget what is romance is, I hope~~ that my anger won't destroy it~~ so, gotta be romantic every single days, even it's only me~~ XD

counting bad things happened recently.

2009-03-13T18:11:00.004+08:00

1st thing, fees problem... Don't understand how smart they are to finish off the granted money...

2nd thing, EW Juniors internal problem happened again... Why are there troublemakers inside the group?? If you think the current leader isn't good, then, who else is?? He just trying to make thing right and you don't even appreciate it and even plays politic among each others... Is it just to have fun so damn hard??

3rd thing, short of cash... Don't know how to write, just short of cash...

4th thing, a stupid sister which spend her money fast... Gets 1st month salary on 7th March, paid me back RM 50, which I borrowed from my friend just for her... On 12th March, sms me to ask money from her mom... What the fuck!?

5th thing, people just keeo picking bones on me... Not just recently, since many years ago, start from people first judge me that I look "ugly"... Ya, you look good, I know that, en, you damn right... So? If you are judging by the appearance, go make love with the TV and Magazine... Edison Chan would be a good choice...

6th thing, not going to reveal it...

7th thing, not yet... Let's hope it's not coming to me... Although I think it's impossible... Life is fills with sorrow and pain, you can only choose "to be", there isn't a choice "not to be" for you... No matter what is coming, 1st thing have to settle is my fees problems... In the mean time, work the shit out of me!

my ways of life~~~

2009-03-12T00:48:00.002+08:00

Finish doing EW Juniors first poster, and just ate my supper which supposingly is my dinner~ well, it's still taste good even it's already cold~~

Actually I'm already exhausted and typing with only 1 hand while lying flat on the table, but thought of something I should write it down~~

I always wish that I can stay in a kiddy way and enjoy every moment of my life, but, others just keep giving nuisances on my behaviours... they just keep bringing it up which I think it's not even worthly to discuss about... I'm just being comfortable for what I am and I'm sure I'm not making it up or acting about it at all... My behaviours is true as it is, and not that I even want to gain any attention by doing so but, that just the way I am... If not, are you telling me to be a fake person and every single things I do have to behave like an adult man? Talk loud, talk hard, talk seriously?? That just ain't who I am... Hate it when anyone just keep on catching minor bugs of my behaviours... Isn't being natural to yourself is what it is suppose to be?? Why should I need to fake it out??

And people keep "worrying" that I will be gay or girlish, which I already get really irritated by them, then I spell it out here... "Even falling into the deepest fucking hell, not a chance!!" I don't give a damn what is happening around me, I only care those I care and the love I had been protecting all these years... You may think I seem like anti-social but many are hardly able for me to social with, in a friendly way... I do not wish for all the attention and flattering, can't just being friends just as simple as it suppose to be?? Just to fool around with each others and having fun?? Can't they just stop complaining and judging me as what they think is right???????? Why do they want to make things to be so freaking hell complicated??????????????????????????????????????

Just can't understand these people........................................... I'm a very bad temper person just in case you don't know me, then, is that what you want me to be?? I'm easily get hot-headed recently, as I said before, too many "EXTRA" matters been bothering me...... Hope I can be peaceful for the moment.................

This is bad~ real bad~

2009-03-08T20:59:00.002+08:00

Shit~~~ I'm starting to get frustrated again... Why are there so many bloody shit obstacles bothering me?? I got tons of stuffs I need to take care of in my study and all the non-related things just keep bugging me and my precious time to going to waste.........

Damn it.... Seems like I'm still unmature, but I really can't control my anger.... Just hate doing things which others telling me I "MUST" do it.... What is the different from being forced??

Don't seem writing today help chilling me out.... Only things I could do now is to settle everythings! And I mean whatever things that I "BEING ORDERED" to do, fuck them all out~~~ And no more Mr. Nice Guy until end of this month.......

Writing blog~~

2009-03-08T01:46:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since I last wrote a blog. Anyway, it's a good sign cause I only write when I'm sad~ Most of it, ya~~ =3

Writing blog can really helps me release from any of my stress, it's just like speaking out the truth I'm thinking within my heart~~ And I never lied in my writing~~

Lying in my blog means I'm just lying to myself, then really there is no point to write if I am to fool myself~~

Yeap~~ There was something happened during my Fashion study~~ but, since it's already settled, which I think it is, so, I will just let it slip away this time~~ :P

Come into the present~~ You know what?? I cut my hair for the very first time in these 6 years~~ wow~~ And now only I realized that it's already past six years since I left secondary school~~ time flies, and have been through a lot in the past~~ thinking back the past, knowing how childish I was back then~~ Even till now, can't say I already mature~~ :P there are much more for me to see and learn~~

And you know why I cut my hair?? hehe~~ for the coming Fashion Show in April? ya~~ but just a excuse~~ My hair grown quite long, until I can't feel it's growing any longer and it gets curly and thick~~ so, cutting it this time and growing it long again~~ =3 refresh the feeling of growing long hair once again~~ cool~~ XD

haha~~ guess I still prefer long hair after all~~ no point bother whats other think about me~~ a book shouldn't be judged by the cover~~ I still hold on to this phrase until now~~ =3 It is my own romance after all, who cares what others think what they think is right, in their ways~~ but definitely it's not "my" way of thinking~~ haha~~ too bad~~ hardly anyone can convince me to change my heart so easily~~ XD

无限之空

2008-05-13T11:19:00.003+08:00

深海鱼所见到的，就只有黑暗。。。但是，飞在空中的鸟，却看到东西是无限的广的。。。

海只能黏在地球表面，有比海更高的土地，海的面积就被遮盖掉了。。。
而天空是无限大的，"空"不只是地球大气层内而已，整个宇宙空间也是"空"的领域。。。
对比起来，海只不过是狭小的世界。。。

海世界跟天空只是一线之差，水平线。。。鱼要离开海飞到天空去与"风"同在时需要很长的时间进化。。。但，重点是，这些鱼有没有尝试去进化？？

我这条深海鱼，要尝试离开这狭窄的海，随着"风"永远地飞翔。。。去看"风"所看到的世界！

冷静下来后。。。

2008-05-07T15:27:00.002+08:00

嗯。。。一走了之是我不好，那时情绪已经是完全失控了，不可能理智地去解决了。。。看来我真的还不够成熟，只能靠逃避来解决问题。。。

不过，我离开以后，我慢慢找回自己的心。。。虽然也不是什么正面的心，只是像以前那样守护着心中深处的思念，静静地、轻轻松松地活下。。。但有不同的是，心比以前敏感多了。。。现在眼泪很难止住了，一听到情歌感觉就来，最近一直在听古巨基的"情歌王2"，把自己融入歌中，成为歌中的主角。。。

真是久违了，好像刚开始听歌的那种感觉，就是这种感觉让我想唱歌，我人生的转轴就是在那时开始。。。但也不知何时开始，那感觉就淡了下来，唱歌没办法心神合一了。。。我认为是学习中要付出的一个代价，因为太在意技巧的东西，而忽略了感情。。。我就是这样，都忘了我为了什么而唱歌，从18岁开始，被想成为艺人的想法把自己困起来了。。。顺带一提，我选择进LWS学习是我发誓放弃当艺人的梦想的那一刻决定的。。。

现在开始，我以守护心中的思念唱下去。。。要对自己的心更诚恳，永远地延续下去。。。

放开一切，重新再来...

2008-04-25T10:36:00.002+08:00

自从环东Junior成立后，不久被选上当秘书的我，很明显的，我已经不再是我自己了...没完没了的任务，又要面对期限的压力，一样没完，另一样又来...比平时拿工钱做工时还来的繁忙，根本连喘口气的一刻也没有...就是因为这样，搞到平时在做工时的我脾气暴躁...很讨厌听到电话声，接到无谓的电话我会甩电话...我不要再这样下去了，我曾经发过誓，我不要做个坏脾气的人，不要像我以前的家人一样，动不动就为了钱财骂架...

这星期三我已开始感到身体很不舒服，头已经稳稳作痛整个星期，早上起来就感到有点晕想吐了...星期二终于完成环东Junior争霸赛表格，但却没想象中那么简单...第二天傍晚接到电话说有东西要改...没关系，已经习惯了...问改什么？换掉logo，图片稍微移移，今晚带电脑来学校做...拜托！我在公司做好了在用MSN寄过去不就行了吗？最后终于让自己在公司做好了...

星期四早上依然不舒服，到了公司没人的时候都躺在沙发上睡...听到电话没去接...今晚小学朋友好不容易约了我出来，已不好意思再推了，已经相隔一年不见...想一放工回家休息等晚上9点再出去...接到taxi在半途中，学校电话call来...我根本就不想去接，接了就要去学校不懂又要做什么，因为我不会拒绝，就算拒绝要不会被接受...不想接，完全不想接...回到家马上关在房间，凉也不冲就躺在床上要睡觉了...真的是很累了...但电话一直振，不久后收到一封sms写着“今晚"要"来学校，有事要你帮忙做。”...就是非去不可...情绪已不定的我，气愤之下终于哭了...电话持续打来，到了晚上11点依然有...

够了...我已经不能再这样下去...我这么辛苦为了什么?每天都忙这忙那，连人性都丧失去...我不要任何回馈，更不要当什么艺人，我只要享受音乐，享受舞蹈，享受跟大家在舞台上的每一刻，练习时的每一秒...写到这里，我又哭了...真没用！只会哭！

哭了之后，就开始醒觉了...当把所有压力抛开后，自己的五官的感觉完全不同...平时走在路上完全没注意到的，现在却很清楚...风的声音、眼前所有的一切动静、周围的味道，都很清楚地感觉到...感觉上，在之前有一层膜在诸塞自己...被压力所封闭时的我，根本没注意到自己的四周，感觉自己跟世界隔离了很久，甚至很讨厌它...或许，把一切放开后，我会开始去接受大自然...

所以，环东Junior的各位...我正式决定，完完全全退出环东Junior，也不会在学校再次出现了，上课也不再去...因为我很清楚，LWS对我而言已不是个学校了，它是一间"公司"...从我星期四不接电话起，我已经算是不负责而背叛了公司，是不能被原谅的行为...或许现在丽红、Sam和国权在生我气吧...我只能在这里说声抱歉，我不想再勉强自己了...现在在LWS已经给不到我要的空间，我要在外面活起来，不要再被关在笼子里不能自由飞翔...

去学我想学的Breakdance，每星期六晚上去踢球，每星期日早上去打篮球，周末找朋友出来唱K，每逢周末回爸妈的店一次，已经一年没回去了...明明就只在Sri Petaling，却让我感到很遥远...6月2号我正式开始我的Fashion Design Course，将是我人生的最后转折点...我会全力以赴去走这条路，这就是我人生选的最后一条路...不会再有遗憾...

最后我想对我的舞蹈老师Carmen(jiaxin)说声对不起，还有Angeline...刚开始我是有点想逃避她的课，因为我曾经对自己感到很无能，都做不到老师要的...但是，最近这几堂课我的想法改变了...我开始有做功课去上课，感觉真的是很好...上课时不会再混乱下去，老师讲得我都开始能明白了...我很清楚老师很看重我和Angeline的第一次考试，所以严格起来...我是很希望能尽力下去跳好我的舞，但现在发生了这件事，我很对不起老师...这是我唯一在LWS留下的遗憾...

雨之情

2008-04-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

我很喜欢最近的天气... 阴沉沉的,总是在下雨...

走在路上的感觉很好,有凉风吹着,一边听歌一边走路的感觉很爽,但却让我觉得异常孤单...

听着情歌回想过去,会有点伤感...

虽然这样,但我觉得这样的我才是真正的我...

只有这样我才感觉真实的我的存在...

生猛的太阳让我感到很烦躁...

什么都想不到,得来一肚火,走在路上只想快点离开户外避阳...

得来的只是一身汗,失去的是冷静的自己...

这所谓的"好天气"很不适合我,因为我不是阳光男孩...

我讨厌太阳,喜欢的是宁静的夜晚,看到月亮的星空...